It is important to set boundaries in any kind of relationship. Not setting boundaries can lead to avoidance, which is the biggest mistake people make. Sometimes we look at someone and think, “I’ll just distance myself from that person,” but this usually backfires in the end.
Sometimes it is not healthy to spend time with someone, and that is okay. It does not mean that you do not care about that person anymore, it just means that spending time with that person is not healthy in that moment, and that is okay.
Your responsibility is to look out for yourself. Pointing out what makes you uncomfortable while it is happening, you’re not doing them any favors by hiding your feelings, and you’re certainly not doing yourself any favors either.
Chances are that they have no idea that they’re making you uncomfortable. The chances are also really high that they don’t know what you’re thinking at all; people are not mind readers. So why should I have to say something and potentially make things worse? Because it is important to your well-being to verbalize your discomfort in that moment.
It goes back to setting boundaries in the first place. Not only are you setting boundaries for the people you care about, you’re making them aware that what they’re doing is effectively causing that boundary to be implemented, so it doesn’t come as a shock later on down the line when you do finally address things. The only way to keep uncomfortable territory from going haywire down the road is by dealing with it as it arrives, not by pretending everything is fine until it’s not.
Reasons Why Boundaries are Essential in Personal Relationships
The first step in setting boundaries is getting clear inside yourself. Once you are clear, it’s like turning on a big porch light that uninvited energy can see. They may not respect them, but they can’t help but see them. More is better and less is more manageable, but no boundaries at all guarantees problems. The importance in creating these is that your redefinitions and/or ownership of your space becomes an active demonstration of your personal values and needs.
Making it explicit allows you to be seen and understood in the way you intend. Respect for you and your space comes from making what you need clear to others as this is self-respecting behavior. Once people are clear about what you are comfortable with, they then have a choice of whether to respect it or not.
For example, it is none of your business whether someone likes what you need as it’s none of their business whether or not you respect it.
Promoting Self-Care
People are unique in their vulnerabilities and needs. For most people, personal time allows them to slow down and regroup, to refuel and revitalize their sense of self. It can be time to indulge in personal passions and hobbies without feeling guilty that others haven’t been considered.
It can provide peace of mind to think about nothing. Hikes in the woods, reading for pleasure, or listening to music can bring healthful outcomes. It’s when our human bodies have time to repair themselves. It’s when we can think, analyze, remember, assimilate, plan, and enjoy. And when we haven’t paid attention to our bodies and minds, we may actually wind up ill, tired, or confused.
In reality, users’ loads can suck people dry. Caring people can deflect attention from their needs and care for others without taking time to care for themselves. It’s especially important in this age of parental job overload that time is made for self-care.
When physical and mental resources get low, taking personal time can help regain the strength to regenerate the capacity of givers. Not only is that important, but personal time also provides the needed energy and stamina to meet work demands, deadlines, and extra effort involved in going the extra mile.
With the added advantages of better health and self-knowledge, it’s crucial to allocate time for yourself. One modern workplace model shows companies and their workers how to find work-life balance. Setting aside time for quiet and introspective thought is another function of personal time.
Preventing Abuse and Toxic Relationships
Setting up physical, mental, and emotional boundaries is very important in all relationships – professional, personal, or casual encounters. It is important to safeguard an individual’s self-worth and integrity. It’s imperative to communicate these to everyone, especially in those close personal relationships.
For example, it’s okay to tell a friend that they can’t just stop by your house without calling first. Many people don’t want their family or friends seeing them on a normal basis without personal pride intact. Additionally, stopping by might not be convenient or even when it’s inconvenient. As long as a polite request is made, it allows the other person to think before they speak and keep from hurting someone else’s feelings. This helps to keep negative and hurtful comments from the combination and causing additional problems.
In any relationship, tolerating an abusive situation is not acceptable. Abuse consists of pushing, striking, or insulting. If a relationship becomes abusive or violent, it’s crucial to go away immediately and find help. If you’re being abused, remember that the person’s behavior is totally intolerable.
It’s also essential to recognize that the individual causing the abuse has a significant problem to solve. Stopping the abusive behavior has to start with them, not you. If a person does not recognize their abusive behavior as a severe problem, a long-term relationship without treatment may jeopardize their life.
Fostering Healthy Communication and Respect
When someone sets boundaries, it tells others that they also need to respect those limits. It says: “No, I am not superhuman; no, I am not an overachieving ninja. I am human, and in order for us to have a deeply committed and loving relationship, you need to honor the lines that I’ve drawn.”
Setting limits is often helpful to the other person – think of the good effects that tough love can have. Who can most enable the ‘unhealthy’ behavior that our friend is engaged in? The friend, of course. Yes, the temptation is great. But helping our friend by encouraging him or her to set limits is not only a loving act, but important for our own well-being.
Respecting the boundaries set by others can be tough. We are often disappointed when our fantasy of the other is tarnished by their limitations. Boundaries are not set to keep the other person out, but to build the foundations of safety and trust so both can grow emotionally and deepen the friendship and affection.
Respect also involves sending the mixed messages that cloud boundaries when respect is absent. Boundaries are about honesty and permission. When they are truly embraced, they free us to honestly express our deepest selves, and we give others permission to do the same.
Boundaries are a crucial element of any relationship, but they can be especially important when being in a romantic relationship with someone who suffers from a mental health disorder. Allowing another person into your personal space is an invitation for fear of the unknown, and if your significant other begins to feel overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility for dragging you out of the black cloud, it is possible for them to disconnect from the relationship altogether.
Urging your partner to put aside their support role if they need a break and consider you as an individual, rather than actively encouraging emotional separation, will give them the break they want and need, in addition to helping improve their own physical and mental health.
Fundamentally, allowing suffering to stranglehold your significant other’s life is selfish, disrespectful, and if you cannot help it, not fair. Splitting up can provide comfort throughout the most difficult, demanding, disinterested, and stressful times, but it is also critically important to maintaining a romantic relationship that makes those times worth living.
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